Thursday, March 03, 2005
O's Result
Well, went to collect e O lvls result yesterday. A whooping (bad) 22. Can't say I put in much effort in this test. Really depressing though. Thought a lot. Youth ain't gonna last forever ya? So is school education. Would prefer to go J.C and be treated much more like a child then going to poly and be treated less like a child. Ah.. riddles. Trying not to fall into depression, but its like my conscious keeps getting sucked in and then thrown back out again. Ouch, is my mentality that weak to suffer such a torment ? Guess sometimes I think too much and a tad too deep. I keep guaging and keeping myself in self-check.... maybe Im just too tight on myself. Wonder what happens if I behaved unrestrained, I guess half of hell would break lose. Thoughts, Lots... floating by now.. Countless, too fast to phrase. "What?", "Lost ? ...", "No sense of direction to go ?", "...", "Poly?", "What course ?", "What interests have you ?", "Build up your confidence ...", "Train your willpower and endurance", "Healthy body, healthy mind. Exercise More", *Memories of Kindergarden Education Flashes By, Primary Education Flashbacks, Secondary School Education....* . "So Fast? What have I done in my life? Achievements? Spiritual Enlightment ? Path, Way.. direction ? Teachings of Life ? Life lessons ? Things practical to adulthood ? How to lead my life ? How I want to be remembered when I die and when I am alive ? ( No! I am not thinking of suicide. I am thinking 80 years down the road !) (Side Note: Funniest thing thou, when I get really angry and upset, I keep thinking its better to die. But when I am calm, I keep praying to god to let me and my family have a long life. Talk about mood changes and mentality.)
Ah, side-tracking again. Read something up about hormones. Yes ! They affect moods and personality ! They can make a person more agitated then normal driving them to do insane things. Ahh the power of the DNA structure. Its bad enough that humans are messing with it in many ways, even the fruits that is being consumed may be genetically modified. I think someday humans will too, and a war may start like in Gundam Seed ... And Gundam Seed: Destiny between humans and genetically enchanced ones. Its like a big racist war. But whats the difference ? All humans are... vulnerable, cherish their lives and their loved ones. They have feelings and needs too. And whats the BIG MANS' power struggle got to do with us ? We fight and they sit there talking cock and ruling the country and expanding their power and eliminating what they perceive as a threat claiming it to be better. Of course they do improve SOME living standards. Thinking of threats, I thought of another thing. For example, you take a cockroach in front of you. What are your thoughts ? To me its, "Ahh ! A disease spreading vermin ! Will I catch a disease off these ? Will it threathen my survival ?", " KILL IT !!, KILL IT", "No ! Be merciful, GOD IS MERCIFUL AND SO SHALL YOU!" , " No ! You are the big giant to the cockroach, Its more afraid of you." Being in the dilenma, I would just scare the cockroach and leave it alone. You know, 'you don't bother me, I won't make a fuss over you' theory. I scared it to give it a warning =D.
I so hope nobody else except me reads the crap I am writing. HAHA IM A SICK PSYCHO ! DON'T EVEN TRY TO COMPREHEND WHAT I WRITE ! WAHAHA, DO THAT AND BE CRAZYYY, BE MAD !! AND ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS !!.
Ugh, a little wild there. Yea, suppression my depression, anger and all sorts of mixed emotions now. Am I an introvert ?! Argh... Noo ! A charlaten ? Or am I halfway to having a split personality ?! ARGH, JAE REGISTRATION ENDS THIS FRIDAY ! 1 MORE DAY LEFT TO PONDER. JC OR POLY ?! I HATE STUDIES, BUT I STILL LIKE EMBRACING SOME OF THE EVERYDAY EVENTS.
Still got my secondary 1's books and notes lying around. Don't know if I am sentimental to my things knowing things would never be the same, or just a stupid guy with lots of memorabillia lying around all over the place. Its tired to just think. Ugh and then my brain analyses it and its giving me a crappy time comparing. Why COMPARE ?! WHO INFLUENCED ME ?! STUPID EXAM SCORING SYSTEM ?! WHY BE GUAGED ?!
Kit Chan's Voice is soothing... ah... off to bed. Stupid problems, F***ed up world. Althought I can't think of a better system then now. How about we all go back to basic, to farming for food... and small town centre of entertainment...... Put down all weapons and fights all go to Kungfu again. Sigh.. Medieval ages. Things move less slowly and less complicated in the past.
Ah, side-tracking again. Read something up about hormones. Yes ! They affect moods and personality ! They can make a person more agitated then normal driving them to do insane things. Ahh the power of the DNA structure. Its bad enough that humans are messing with it in many ways, even the fruits that is being consumed may be genetically modified. I think someday humans will too, and a war may start like in Gundam Seed ... And Gundam Seed: Destiny between humans and genetically enchanced ones. Its like a big racist war. But whats the difference ? All humans are... vulnerable, cherish their lives and their loved ones. They have feelings and needs too. And whats the BIG MANS' power struggle got to do with us ? We fight and they sit there talking cock and ruling the country and expanding their power and eliminating what they perceive as a threat claiming it to be better. Of course they do improve SOME living standards. Thinking of threats, I thought of another thing. For example, you take a cockroach in front of you. What are your thoughts ? To me its, "Ahh ! A disease spreading vermin ! Will I catch a disease off these ? Will it threathen my survival ?", " KILL IT !!, KILL IT", "No ! Be merciful, GOD IS MERCIFUL AND SO SHALL YOU!" , " No ! You are the big giant to the cockroach, Its more afraid of you." Being in the dilenma, I would just scare the cockroach and leave it alone. You know, 'you don't bother me, I won't make a fuss over you' theory. I scared it to give it a warning =D.
I so hope nobody else except me reads the crap I am writing. HAHA IM A SICK PSYCHO ! DON'T EVEN TRY TO COMPREHEND WHAT I WRITE ! WAHAHA, DO THAT AND BE CRAZYYY, BE MAD !! AND ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS !!.
Ugh, a little wild there. Yea, suppression my depression, anger and all sorts of mixed emotions now. Am I an introvert ?! Argh... Noo ! A charlaten ? Or am I halfway to having a split personality ?! ARGH, JAE REGISTRATION ENDS THIS FRIDAY ! 1 MORE DAY LEFT TO PONDER. JC OR POLY ?! I HATE STUDIES, BUT I STILL LIKE EMBRACING SOME OF THE EVERYDAY EVENTS.
Still got my secondary 1's books and notes lying around. Don't know if I am sentimental to my things knowing things would never be the same, or just a stupid guy with lots of memorabillia lying around all over the place. Its tired to just think. Ugh and then my brain analyses it and its giving me a crappy time comparing. Why COMPARE ?! WHO INFLUENCED ME ?! STUPID EXAM SCORING SYSTEM ?! WHY BE GUAGED ?!
Kit Chan's Voice is soothing... ah... off to bed. Stupid problems, F***ed up world. Althought I can't think of a better system then now. How about we all go back to basic, to farming for food... and small town centre of entertainment...... Put down all weapons and fights all go to Kungfu again. Sigh.. Medieval ages. Things move less slowly and less complicated in the past.
# posted by Moments Relived @ 3:00 AM 
